(Fin Costello/Redferns via Getty)
My buddy Dexter is behind a lot of the stoopid things I do.
I copped this one from you, 100%, dude.
It’s a warm, blue-sky Saturday afternoon… You’re driving home… It’s been a good day… at the beach, maybe… or maybe successfully running errands.
You’re kickin’ ass.
Saturday night is on its way, and you can feel a good one coming on (to quote the bards of Blackberry Smoke).
You’ve got the radio on… FM, Sirius/XM, Apple Music, Spotify, I don’t care…
And out comes AC/DC’s “Shook Me All Night Long”.
Do you turn it up?
Of course you do.
It’s ok… you’re just celebrating the great, time-honored tradition of Stoopid Rock.
* * *
No need to be ashamed.
Stoopid is not bad. It’s not even stupid – there’s a big difference in those double o’s.
Stoopid Rock is the (very unappreciated) tongue-in-cheek celebration of all things fun and mindless that brighten up our days.
We’ve all been there.
At a wedding reception, next to the guy in the unbuttoned shirt.
We slide out of his way as he’s bending over backwards, Budweiser long necks in both of his hands, howling, “Born to be wi-i-ild!”
Or standing arm-in-arm with our best friends, singing our hearts out to “Don’t Stop Believing.”
Nobody’s immune from it.
It’s Harriet from accounting… your cousin Joe from Philly… the quiet gal from the fourth floor… when “Takin’ Care of Business” comes on, they all hit the dance floor.
* * *
At its best, stoopid rock is just a celebration of everything dumb.
But – it takes a special talent, a certain self-awareness, to write a song that gets stoopid right.
And nobody got stoopid right more than AC/DC.
If there was a Stoopid Rock Hall of Fame, they would be charter members.
AC/DC put together a string of stoopid rock anthems: “Big Balls,” “Highway to Hell,” “Dirty Deeds,” and “For Those About to Rock” – well, these guys were the kings of stoopid.
But their Magna Carta was “Shook Me All Night Long,” a joyous stream of non-stop, superb double-entendres.
And in all seriousness, check out the lyrics (after bowing down to that shimmering opening guitar riff).
Nobody does clever wordplay like those Aussies.
Then, right behind them, there’s Van Halen.
Just the David Lee Roth version, please. Sammy Hagar was just plain stupid.
(Although his solo treatise, “I Can’t Drive 55” might get a few votes for the Stoopid Hall of Fame.)
Diamond Dave was the king of the spoken-word, mid-bridge inanities:
“Have you seen Junior’s grades?”….
”I like the way the line runs up the back of your stockings”…
“We’re running a little bit hot tonight.”…
“One break, coming up!”
Early purveyors of the art
The earliest example of stoopid I can remember is Grand Funk Railroad.
The second verse of “We’re An American Band” states, quite clearly, the philosophy of the band in question.
It’s the verse about the meeting the “four young chiquitas in Omaha”:
Now these fine ladies, they had a plan
They was out to meet the boys in the band
They said, “Come on dudes, let’s get it on!”
And we proceeded to tear that hotel down
That, my friends, is stoopid poetry.
They were just paving the way for K*I*S*S, who faithfully carried the torch.
(It’s right there in their acronym of a name, for God’s sake…)
Even when they went disco, they kept it stoopid – “I Was Made For Loving You, Baby.”
Or when they toned it down, and tried to sound sensitive – “Beth” – they still wore their stoopid proudly on their sleeves: “Me and the boys’ll be playing all night.”
But they really made their mark with “Rock ‘n’ Roll All Night”.
Tom Petty was so inspired after seeing them in concert, he wrote a song for his first album.
“Me and Mike Campbell [his guitarist, co-songwriter, musical partner] said, ‘Man, all you gotta do is include the words ‘rock ‘n’ roll’ in a song, and it’s a hit.”
So they went home and wrote “Anything’s That’s Rock ‘n’ Roll’s Fine.”
Which is as fine (and as stoopid) as anything Petty ever did.
Alice Cooper doesn’t get enough credit as a pioneer of stoopid.
But come on… Any guy who writes “School’s Out”, “No More Mr. Nice Guy”, or “Be My Lover” deserves a spot in the Stoopid Rock Hall.
All his lyrics were so winkingly self-aware, it’s amazing he kept a straight face.
He was scaring parents, and biting the heads off bats – and laughing all the way to the bank.
(Plus, he does such a bang-up job on those Progressive ads.)
* * *
Now, don’t be misled: There’s a fine line between Stoopid Rock and “Cock Rock.”
(Hey, don’t look at me… I didn’t invent that term… I’m just repeating what I heard on the street.)
One could easily consider putting Free’s “All Right Now” or Foreigner’s “Hot Blooded” or Rod Stewart’s “Hot Legs” in The Stoopid Hall… but basically, they’re anthems to getting what we all really want… Or at least, what the hair-bands of the ‘70s really wanted.
As Van Halen so stoopidly put it, “Everybody wants some.”
They’re great, fun, songs… But they’re just not stoopid enough.
God bless Rob Reiner, Michael McKean, Christopher Guest, and Harry Shearer for putting stoopid rock on film in This is Spinal Tap, the world’s first “rockumentary.”
They captured the spirit of stoopid rock – with songs like “Big Bottoms,” “Stonehenge,” and “Tonight We’re Gonna Rock You Tonight” – so much so that bands like Dokken swore it was about them.
Honorable Mention
There are many who have followed the tradition.
They may not have a plaque in The Hall, but they all have contributed, in their own stoopid way.
You could make an argument for:
- Cheap Trick (“Surrender”)
- Skynyrd (“What’s Your Name?”)
- The Doors (“LA Woman”)
- Nickelback (“Rock Star”)
- Black-Eyed Peas: (“Let’s Get It Started”)
- Beastie Boys (“Fight For Your Right to Party”)
- Eddie Money (any one of his hits)
- Queen: “Bohemian Rhapsody”
One could argue that Queen has a whole slew of ‘em (“Fat-Bottom Girls,” “We Will Rock You”).
The ’70s and ’80s didn’t have a monopoly on stoopid, though.
For some reason, I have a particular fondness for the stoopidity of a lot of lesser-known ’90s bands: “The Car Song” (The Cat Empire), “Teen Angst” (Cracker), “Bohemian Like You” (The Dandy Warhols).
(All three are of those are lovably stoopid videos, by the way.)
Another of my ’90s favorites was Pete Droge’s “If You Don’t Love Me, I’ll Kill Myself.”
Heck, it was stoopid enough that the Farrelly Brothers made it a centerpiece of Dumb and Dumber.
Sadly, I can’t think of any ladies who deserve to be on this list.
Mostly, I can’t think of women being that dumb.
Maybe Joan Jett?
“Bad Reputation,” “Cherry Bomb,” “I Hate Myself For Loving You,” “I Love Rock ‘n’ Roll”…
All of those are a pretty good representation of stoopid.
(And I say that lovingly…)
Well, there you go, Joan… welcome to the Stoopid Rock Hall of Fame.
The beauty of this list is, I have forgotten so many worthy members.
Hopefully, they’ll occur to you. If they do, let me have it in the comments.
And then go out, and embrace the stoopid… live it… love it… But most of all:
Rock it!
And turn it up to 11.
Daddy Gibs 